Network

iPhone 5s: Sprint, Verizon, AT&T, T-Mobile
Unicorns: Dreamy cloudland

Colors

iPhone5s: Black and gold (multi-colors available on 5c model)
Unicorns: Rainbow polka-dots and glittery gold 

Processor

iPhone5s: A7 chip, 64-bit processing
Unicorns: Sunshiney daydreams and sweet mellow reflections on the edge of twilight

Operating system

iPhone 5s: iOS 7.0
Unicorns: Magical ponies racing through a soft field of gently swaying grass

Security

iPhone5s: Biometric fingerprint scanner
Unicorns: Love for all; peace in the kingdoms of the earth and the sky

Storage

iPhone5s: 16 gigabytes, 32gb or 64gb
Unicorns: The poetry of the universe bathed in a honey-kissed evening light

Camera

iPhone 5s: 8 megapixel chip, 5 element f/2.2 lens, burst mode, image stabilization, larger imaging chip, dual LED lights
Unicorns: Can see infinity in a the teardrop of a leprechaun

Dimensions

iPhone5s: 4.87 inches x 2.31 inches, 0.30 inches deep. Weight: 3.95 ounces
Unicorns: Slipping through the portals of time on a star-filled trail of intergalatic unification

Availibility

iPhone5s: Pre-orders September 13; release September 20
Unicorns: Just shut your eyes, relax your body, open your mind and let the energy of the universe flow through your being

And, the winner? Why, that's obvious.